I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
