Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
