Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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