I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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