Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
