I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
