There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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