I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
