roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
