Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
