Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
