We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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