I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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