i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
