She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
