im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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