I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
