sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
