it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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