i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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