Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
