Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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