he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
