we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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