i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
