I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
