Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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