I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
