btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
