You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
