i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
