bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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