i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
