i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
