Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
