If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
