just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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