I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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