i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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