If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
