I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
