How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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