**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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