I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize