when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
