thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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