I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
