I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize