Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
