I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
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She's the barista slut.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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