Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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