i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
