she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
