She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
