At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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