If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
