I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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