How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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